Illusion of Doership (or Freewill)

In the meditation for November 27 in A Net of Jewels (1996), Ramesh Balsekar says,

"Breathing goes on by itself while the deluded individual thinks it is he who is breathing. Thoughts come from outside, arising spontaneously through intervals of mental vacuum, and he thinks it is he who is thinking. The thoughts get transformed involuntarily into action, and he thinks it is he who is acting. All the while, he is doing nothing but to misconstrue the actions of the Totality as his own action."
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Ramesh Balsekar is 100 % right. Breathing happens on its own. Body temperature is maintained on its own, you are not doing anything to maintain your body temperature at 98.6 F.

The body heals on its own, no one can FORCE himself to heal.

Sleep comes on its own, no one can FORCE himself to sleep.

Emotions manifest on their own. Moods manifest on their own. A person cant even change his mood if he wants to.

A person can't control his thoughts. A person can't STOP his thoughts no matter how difficult it gets to deal with them.

The Eagles sing "You'd give anything to silence...those voices ringing in your head.." in their song 'Learn to be still.'

Have you, the person, been able to STOP your thoughts even for a minute, over the last few decades? Nope.

A lot of times when one is driving a car...one gets lost in thought...then suddenly pops back into the present moment and realises that the car has taken a wrong turn.

So...who was driving the car? Who was turning the steering wheel? Who braked at red lights, while YOU (the illusory doer) were lost in thought?

In my post 'Kill the Thinker' (currently offline) I have used Chaos Theory to ponder whether the Thinker exists...it appears that thinking happens automatically and spontaneously...that nobody is doing any thinking. The Thinker can exist only if thoughts were being willed...

And it follows that if there is no thinker...THERE IS NO DOER.

But there is indeed someone, and he or she is the Buddha Within, or the silent, peaceful witness of life as it unfolds. This Buddha Within is NOT affected by the human emotions that flow around him or her. The Buddha Within does NOT participate in the dance of human-life, only WATCHES it as it happens...peacefully. He or she is in a state of deep sleep, waking up slowly as time passes.

Coming back to the illusion of doer ship...

The illusion of doer ship is the biggest problem in this world.

The illusion of doer ship leads to song lyrics like the following.

1. "We're prisoners walking through this world all along." -- The Eagles. (Desperado)

2. "To the game we stay a slave." -- Metallica. (Wherever I may roam.)

3. "Welcome my son, welcome to the machine...what did you dream? It's alright we told you what to dream." -- Pink Floyd (Welcome to the machine.)

Summary:

Breathing happens on its own, emotions and moods come and go on their own, thoughts that hurt cannot be stopped, events that hurt cannot be stopped, still the person thinks he or she has control over his or her life. The fact is that the person has no control over the events of his or her life. Life happens to the person, the person is not in control.

The evolving Buddha realises this and accepts everything as it is. And peacefully waits for the point where he or she can rise up and take control of his or her life, become a doer. This point is 'enlightenment'.

My Conclusions:

Nature does not allow doership (freewill) to be given to people with hostile emotions.

Taking over control of one's life is not possible through violence, it cannot be forced. Control comes on its own at enlightenment - i.e. after complete acceptance of life as it is.

The violence that manifests in this world...one could say its just the 'whole' going through a work-in-process phase in which it is cleansing humanity. No one is doing it. It is all happening on its own.

Self Esteem Swings and The Buddha Within

The state of mind shown in this photo is nothing to be afraid of. Entitled 'Bad Dream' by Lovisa...yet another great photo from her deviantart gallery. The state of mind shown in this photo is exactly that. A bad dream. AN ILLUSION.

Very high self esteem is as unhealthy as a very low self esteem. A person's view of himself/herself should be balanced. Some amount of swinging is ok but it must not be extreme.

An interesting thing is...the swing between high and low self esteem may not be as extreme as it seems....

Because life in this world has reality in it, it also has illusions in it.

We see our world through a VERY heavy Mental Lens.

This lens is right in front of our eyes, always has been; And will reveal itself, if we use common sense. And develop our powers of observation.

Sorrow

This photo reminds me of a poem I wrote, in my younger years.

SORROW

Something in me dies
As I see you sit there
Trying to suppress tears
Lost in silent despair...

What are you?

Victimised purity?
A crazy mystery?


Or just a hollow façade
Trying to entrench an identity?

Worry (If You Worry, Will Life Spare You?)

The following is based on a letter I sent to this friend of mine about a year back...a 23 year old girl who was about to face the ultimate challenge in life....living on the street....I wanted to send her some money, but she was saying no....I was in a quandary...

Thankfully, she ran into her 'knight in shining armour' around the same time...an ex-boyfriend who came back to her, rescued her from street life...she wanted him back anyway....

I've modified the letter a bit, and added some song lyrics that I love....

Dear XYZ,

I understand how serious your problems are.....living on the street is no easy task....but if it happens(I hope it doesn't), you just have to go through it, I guess. Everything in life comes and goes, including bad, rough parts of life. The bad parts also come to an end, although sometimes one feels that the bad parts will never end. But they end. Always.

And one always always comes out of the bad parts as a better, stronger person. 'This too shall pass'. No bad situation lasts forever, though when its happening, it feels like its not going to end ever....but that is totally wrong.

I have faced many tough problems in my life, but I have not faced the problems that you are facing...I'm not exactly rich or something, I too have to fight to pay the rent, but I have never been homeless. I am far from broke, I am well-off, but life does get tough some times, financially. So I understand what money problems are, and the madness they can generate in a person.

Its not easy to stand back and see the problems you are facing without getting emotional.

But is worry going to help in any way? Is worry going to create the money required to pay the rent? So why worry? Is worry going to make sure your brother does not get fired from his job? Is worry going to make sure your brother does not use your money to support his bad habits?

There is a difference between worrying about the future and planning out the future. I am not trying to trivialise your problem, I know how serious it is, but...its like, you've got to power-lift 400 lb in the future, and you have not done it before. Can worrying about the fact that you have never lifted 400 lb going to help you lift 400 lb? You either worry about lifting it, or you plan out how you're going to lift it and then go ahead and lift it.

So just lift it. Just goddamn lift it, and not worry about lifting it. Worry has no place in life, it is a waste of priceless energy. Everyone has limited energy, why waste it on worry?

Do not have mercy on life. Fuck everything, fuck everyone, rise up and just DO IT! Without worrying. There is NO TIME TO SPARE, for worry. Life does not spare people who worry too much, does it? If you worry, will life spare you?

If you worry about the problems you have to face tomorrow, will you be able to sleep? And if you don't sleep, will you be able to deal with tomorrow's problems properly? Isn't it going to make life tougher? So why worry? What use is it? In fact, why WORRY about any problem at all, tomorrow's, or next week's? Does it help, does it solve anything?

There is no 'how' involved in giving up worry. All you have to do is stop worrying. Like Eckhart Tolle says...'How do you drop a hot piece of charcoal that is hurting your hand?.......You just drop it. No HOW involved. Period.'

In case you have to live on the street, why worry?....Will worrying about it help you deal with problems of the street? Will getting emotional about it help? If you worry, get emotional, will the problems vanish? If you worry, will life on the street get easier?

Life on the street has to be approached like a warrior would approach it. Silently, with full awareness of what is going on....emotionless...clinical...and sometimes brutal...NO MERCY.

People develop respect for people who have a brutal demeanour. This is VERY VERY important. A brutal demeanour. A bitch, if I may use the word. I come across as a totally merciless bastard to some people. It is necessary. Keeps the wolves at bay.

A brutal warrior like attitude can manifest along with a compassionate attitude. This is not a contradiction. You can be compassionate and brutal both. If you do not understand these statements, it does not matter....just watch your mind-body's reactions to them, as they pass across your eyes. Watch these statements, watch your reactions to them, that is all that is required.

Coming back to worry and feelings of weakness and the 'I just can't handle life anymore' feeling...

Just WATCH such hostile feelings silently, as they pass through your mind-body. Just watch. That's all. You'll realise the meaning behind what I am saying, if you do what I'm saying...i.e....WATCH all such negative feelings peacefully, without feeling afraid of them.

Watching hostile feelings peacefully, without giving in, weakens their hold on you. They start dissolving. The more peaceful you become, when hostile feelings grip you, the stronger you become.

You might wonder HOW hostile feelings can weaken, if one watches them. The answer is...'Evil cannot bear presence, evil cannot survive the light of awareness'. This statement, made by many many mystics, has great depth, great wisdom. Your hostile feelings are evil that cannot stand being exposed to the light of your awareness. Evil hates being discovered, watched.

Some word the abovementioned wisdom as...'Real evil always runs in the shadows, attacks from the shadows...it is afraid of the light.'

Hostile feelings within a human are real evil. When observed peacefully, they lose energy and strength.

Hindus talk of the goddess overcoming her inner demons. These inner demons are hostile feelings that the goddess directs at herself. (She eventually overcomes inner demons...and whacks a bunch of assholes in the outer world before she finds her peace, but 'outer demons' are out of scope of this blog entry!)

If someone says the Goddess destroys inner demons through violence...it is incorrect. The real story is that she destroys inner demons through acceptance of their existence, and peaceful WATCHING of these violent demonic emotions as they rise in her.

All mystical schools say the same thing. Hostile feelings, if observed as they rise in the mind-body, if observed without giving in, if observed peacefully..will lose their strength.
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Led Zeppelin sings the following, about life in this world...very very wise words...'Crying won't help you, crying will do you no good.'

Eckhart Tolle grew up on the street. There was a phase in his life when he had nothing. No home, no money, no security.

He'll say the same thing....'DO NOT CRY IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE...MOST OF THEM ARE SADISTS.'

Eckhart Tolle has a very simple solution on how to deal with situations and people that make you angry, helpless, make you feel like you are going to lose your balance....and what to do IN THAT MOMENT when you are angry and about to lose control. This solution is not different from what I have written before.
Solution:

Hold your anger, the unstable feelings, the violence, the crushed feelings, the manifesting trauma....hold all these hostile feelings in your mental space...and...pause...just pause....that's all....

If you manage to PAUSE just when you are extremely angry and frustrated.....then...in just a few minutes, the anger will clear up on its own, provided you do not give in to any mental-movies...i.e. "that bastard, I'll do this to him, I'll do that to her, and that will happen, then that will happen, I will kill all these bastards..."

If you give in to mental movies, the anger and the frustration will re-inforce itself. The only solution is to watch the mental movies peacefully. Without fear.

You asked me about pranayam. I started pranayam recently, so I don't know the effects as yet. But it makes sense. Deep breathing provides more oxygen to the brain and relaxes the mind in the process.

Eckhart Tolle once said.....'most human problems can be attributed, in a way that cannot be understood, to the statement...'they don't breathe properly...'

Pranayam is about deep, systematic breathing. It fills the brain with oxygen, and stimulates it, and many many people are saying they managed to overcome depression, anger, stress and anxiety, through daily pranayam. Tolle talks of the importance of proper breathing, though he does not use the word pranayam.

I recommend you start prayanam immediately. There is no need to bother about techniques....just take time out to breathe deeply, and do it especially when the anxiety gets too much. Find a way to remind yourself to remember to breathe deeply when the paranoia gets the better of you.

Take care,
Your friend,